


Pack of Wolves

by vjs2259



Series: Susan and Delenn's Excellent Adventures [3]
Category: Babylon 5
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-26
Updated: 2007-03-26
Packaged: 2017-10-28 14:20:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vjs2259/pseuds/vjs2259
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Susan helps Delenn deal with the immediate aftermath of John's death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pack of Wolves

**Author's Note:**

> Set immediately post John Sheridan's death, on Minbar and a nearby Minbari colony world.

 

They could hear the soft laughter echo from the balcony as the men continued their war stories and reminiscing. Susan looked out and smiled “They’ll be up for hours yet, won’t they?”

 

Delenn laughed, “Yes, they will. Aren’t you going to join them?”

 

“No, I’m wiped from the trip here, and well… it’s been…hard,” Susan’s voice trailed off.

 

“Yes, I know,” Delenn sighed, “Very hard, on all of us. On John most of all. I cannot thank all of you enough for coming. It has meant everything to him to see you all again, before the end.”

 

“How are you handling all this? Is there anything I can do?”

 

“I am fine, Susan. I have had years to prepare, as you know,” Delenn's voice faltered, “but it is …hard, as you say, and I will miss him so…”

 

A sob caught in Delenn's throat, and Susan took hold of her friend’s arm to steady her, feeling the trembling weakness under the surface strength.

 

“I would like to ask you something,” Delenn went on hesitantly, “Could you possibly stay here, on Minbar, for a little while longer? You can take your time deciding whether you wish to take command of the Rangers. It’s just that there will be so many formalities, so many rituals, and then David will be back on leave…I could use a friend, someone who knew him and knows me….someone I can, oh what is the phrase? Let down my hair with?”

 

“I have nothing in the whole wide world more important to do. I would be happy to stay and sit shiva with you. Or the Minbari equivalent,” replied Susan.

 

******************

 

A few weeks later, another long day of functions was drawing to an end. There had been an endless stream of visitors, from all over Minbar, from Earth, from all the worlds of the Interstellar Alliance. Susan had finally thrown out the Drazi Ambassador, who had seemed to want to bore them all to tears with tales of his intimate friendship with the late President Sheridan, when he had been the Drazi representative to the former League of Non-Aligned Worlds on Babylon 5. Delenn had been sagging in her chair from exhaustion and grief, when Susan shooed the last one out. David had gone back to the Rangers; John’s family had returned to Earth and Proxima. Only the official representatives of the many worlds of the IA seemed determined to remain.

 

“Shall I have the Rangers hunt them all down and shoot them? Or would you prefer to have them shuttled off planet and spaced?” asked Susan, when she finished inspecting the corners of the large conference room, to make sure she hadn’t missed anyone.

 

Delenn replied wearily, “Space them, I think, there will be less mess that way. The public period of mourning will end in a few days. Hopefully that will be the last of it, for them at least. I have some work to do in my quarters. Susan, there are no words to express my gratitude…”

 

Susan interrupted, “Well, you could thank me by trying to eat a little more. David will be back in another month, and it’ll be mutiny in the ranks if the new Anla'Shok Na has let the president of the Interstellar Alliance starve herself to death.”

 

“I am sorry. I do not feel hunger any more and I forget….” Delenn said guiltily.

 

“Are you sure that’s all it is? I remember what happened after John went to Z’ha’dum with Anna. We all thought he was dead. Steven was convinced you were trying to join him as quickly as you could. He thought your plan to take the Rangers to attack the Shadows was just an attempt to speed things up.” Susan watched Delenn’s reaction closely. They hadn’t mentioned John yet, not directly by name, only obliquely or in the formal settings of Minbari mourning rituals and IA functions, and always as Entil’zha or former President Sheridan.

 

Delenn closed her eyes, rested her head against the high back of the chair, and said “I can’t say his name, isn’t that funny? If I say his name out loud, it will mean he is gone from me. It will make it all real. I will try to eat; please don’t worry. Now I must get to work; these formal receptions take up too much time, and there is so much to do…” She rose from the chair in one graceful motion, then staggered as she turned towards the door.

 

Susan was there in an instant, catching her before she hit the floor. “Call a doctor,” she cried to the attendant entering the doorway.

 

***********************

 

Some time later, Delenn awoke in her dimly lit bedchamber. She called for "Lights, low" and then asked the room computer for the time. It was almost 3 am, a couple of hours until sunrise then. She did not feel she could return to sleep, and wondered vaguely how she had gotten to her room. The last she remembered she was in the conference room….then she fell? Fainted? She couldn't remember. Perhaps some tea would help clear her head. As she arose, and went into the living area, she noticed a figure stretched out under a blanket on the couch. For a moment her heart stopped, and she was back on Babylon 5. At least twice, John had slept on her couch after she had been through a particularly trying time and was having violent nightmares. She hesitated, and the figure turned, and said "Delenn? What are you doing out of bed?"

 

It was Susan. "I woke up," Delenn replied, relieved, disappointed, and a little amused. "More to the point, what are you doing in my room?"

 

"You fainted in the conference room. The doctor said it was the medical facility for you, or you could stay in your room if someone stayed the night. I drew the short straw." replied Susan as she struggled to a sitting position.

 

"Would you like some tea? And then, would you like to tell me what the doctors said, and how sternly they said it?" asked Delenn.

 

"Thank you, I would like tea. Or something stronger. Stern was not the word. You have to start taking care of yourself, or they will do something drastic, I'm afraid. They are worried to death that they will lose you, too."

 

"Yes, I know. The Alliance will fall, wars will break out, suns will explode….I wish they would leave me alone!" cried Delenn. "Can't they run things by themselves at all? Have we taught them nothing? It is not the person that matters, but the idea, the cause! John once told me he felt he was carrying Babylon 5 on his back, through broken glass on his knees, while he was in command there. Now I begin to see what he meant!"

 

"I didn't know John felt that way. I thought I helped him more than that." Susan sounded a little hurt.

 

"You did, you did," Delenn hastened to assure her. "He took on more responsibility than necessary, and even when he did delegate, he still felt responsible for everything that went on in the station. It was his nature, Susan. You made it much easier for him."

 

"Well, I'm going to make it easier on you now. You …we, are taking a vacation." declared Susan. "What time is it anyway?"

 

“About 3 am…what do you mean “vacation”? A set period of rest and meditation?” answered Delenn as she brought over the tea.

 

“More like rest and recreation. Recharge the batteries and restore the soul. There’s gotta be some place on Minbar people go to have fun.” replied Susan. “Do you people have any beach resorts?”

 

“I do not think so. But I believe there is a nearby colony world with oceans. Beaches do lie near oceans, do they not? But I cannot leave Tuzanoor now…there are two new worlds requesting admittance to the Alliance, and the Gaim and Brakiri are feuding over their trade dispute. It may very well break into violence there,” she said thoughtfully, “And then there is....”

 

Susan broke in, “What happened to ‘running things by themselves’, and ‘not the person but the idea’? We have three more days of rituals, plenty of time to turn things over to your well trained aides and assistants. It’s that or enforced rest in the medical facilities. What do you say?”

 

“It’s almost sunrise---let me think a moment, by myself” she looked longingly at the open balcony. “I’ll be back in a little while. Why don’t you request some food be brought in?” She rose and hurried outside.

 

 _Why does she do that?_ Susan mused. _Every single morning. Must be another ritual._ She left to find someone to bring in breakfast for two. Delenn was leaving Minbar for a while, if it was up to her. And she would make sure it was up to her. She owed John that much.

 

*********************************

 

A week later, Delenn and Susan were residing in a small establishment on a nearby world. The hotel was located on a beach with soft pink sand and a blue-green sea, which glowed at night with local bio-luminescent sea life. It was off-season, and the hotel was mostly empty. The place had a good restaurant though, with live music at night, which brought in a lively crowd from the town. Susan was enjoying herself thoroughly, attracting a crowd of young males of various races to listen to her tales of military life and space exploration. They bought her drinks, and tried to tempt her to dance. They were loud and raucous and very much alive. Delenn sat a little outside the group, but she smiled often and occasionally laughed, even giggled, at their antics. She was putting on weight, and had even slept through the night more than once.

 

“This was such a good idea, Susan,” she said during a break in the evening’s activities. “I do not generally like crowds and noise, but they are so alive it is fun to watch them. I do not think I need to ask if you are having a good time.”

 

Susan laughed, “No, you don’t. But I think I would like an early night tonight. I am not as young as I used to be, and I find I need more sleep to keep up. I don’t know how you do it, getting up before sunrise every single day! Do you never want to sleep in?”

 

Soberly, but with a glint in her eye, Delenn replied, “I used to “sleep in” as you say, but then I had a reason to stay in bed.”

 

“Delenn! I can’t believe you said that!” exclaimed Susan.

 

“We were married almost twenty years! Did John ever impress you as a man lacking passion?” Delenn laughed, “We were well-matched, he and I.”

 

They continued their conversation in low tones, planning to finish their drinks and retire for the evening, when a group of young Minbari males entered the room. Their swagger would have marked them as Warrior caste, if their robes and crests had not. They went directly to the bar in the back of the room, and began talking loudly in Minbari. Susan had learned some Minbari over the years, and was currently in a crash course to make it a true second language. She would need to speak, think, and react in that language in order to effectively lead the Rangers. Still, she and Delenn usually conversed in English. The Earth language had become the common tongue for commerce and diplomacy, so most races had a smattering of it. The young males who had been importuning Susan all week had gotten excellent practice in conversational idioms, including some they probably shouldn't know.

 

There was a com unit over the bar, usually set to a news channel, at low volume. For some reason, perhaps to hear the local news or check the next day's weather, the bartender increased the volume. The program just ending was a retrospective on the founding of the IA, and suddenly John Sheridan's voice filled the room. It was a speech he had given at his second inauguration, the first one on Tuzanoor. Delenn paled, but remained composed.

 

Susan watched her closely. "That was the speech where he announced the formation of the home world for telepaths, wasn't it?" she asked.

 

"Yes, " said Delenn, "it was very controversial at the time, but it was the right thing to do. They had been badly abused on many worlds, including your own. And after they learned of their manipulation by the Vorlons, all they wanted was to get away from the rest of us. And who could blame them? Besides, the right of self-determination was one of the Alliance's founding principles. Still, there were many hard feelings after the telepath wars…."

 

She was interrupted by shouts from the Minbari warriors at the bar in the back of the room. "Turn it off!" shouted one loudly.

 

Then another, pointedly looking at Delenn, loudly pronounced, "So Starkiller finally took himself off and died? Not in battle, of course. Who would expect an honorable end for such as he? Now the feeble Alliance he and his freakish consort thrust down our throats will die as well!”

 

The last one drained his glass, and laughingly said "That would be no loss!"

 

The bartender looked disgusted, and announced "We are closing, gentlemen. Please take yourselves elsewhere."

 

Delenn sat frozen, her face white and still. She visibly struggled for control. Susan half-rose, but Delenn placed her hand on Susan's, "Leave them. They are not worth the battle." The strain showed in her voice.

 

The group was leaving now, and passed close by their table. One of the warriors bumped her chair, then leaned over and whispered viciously, “Freak. You'll soon find out there is no place for you on Minbar, or anywhere else. I would say to you 'go home' but such as you has no home. No caste, no clan, no family--except the half-breed whelp you've had to hide away with the Rangers.” Then he loudly announced to the few people left in the room, “We have been celebrating the removal of Sheridan Starkiller from the Universe! Care to join us?” He laughed and he and his group headed for the exit.

 

Susan was torn between wanting to tear someone's head off, and getting Delenn out of there before she tore someone's head off, or broke down completely. It looked to be a dead heat between the two options to her. Delenn solved the problem by rising and leaving the room, heading up the stairs to her room without a word. By the time Susan paid the check and reached the lobby, the group of Minbari was gone. "Where did they go?" she demanded from the clerk behind the desk.

 

"They took a flyer back to town, Anla'Shok Na." The voice spoke from the shadows under the stairs. “My partner has followed them, but I believe they are, what is the human saying? All hat and no cattle? There is no need to worry. Between the two of us, and yourself, no harm will come to Delenn.” A Minbari Ranger stepped into the light, and bowed. "My name is Isilinn. I am one of the President's guards. She does not know about us, I believe."

 

"Neither do I, Isilinn! And why is that, considering that I now command the Rangers?" her voice was dangerously, deceptively low. She was still aching for a fight, and it showed in her stance if not her voice.

 

"Ah well, that is an amusing story. No doubt the explanation lies in the large pile of documents you were given to read in your spare time, of which you have had none.” Isilinn went on, almost reciting. “First, Entil'zha Delenn gave us orders to shadow and secretly guard President Sheridan. Then, later, Entil'zha Sheridan gave us orders to shadow and secretly guard President Delenn. It was decided that a pair of Rangers would follow each; then whoever was in whichever office, they would be protected. We live for the One, we die for the One. And they are the One."

 

Susan sagged a bit, as the fight drained out of her and exhaustion and worry took its place. "Well, we've barely got two halves of one person between us right now. I'd better go up and see how she is doing. Probably meditating, or maybe trashing the place. I think I'd prefer the latter."

 

Isilinn nodded, "You need to rest as well. You have given her your strength, but the loss was yours, as well as hers, and ours. We will watch, and wait. I will alert you if there is danger."

 

"Thank you. I would like you and your partner to report to me immediately upon our return to Minbar, with a full report of your activities. I had not considered that there would still be such anger in the Warrior caste after all these years." replied Susan.

 

"There are always some who would prove their worth by attacking something or someone greater than themselves, in order to bring it down to their level. They are a danger, but we believe they are a vanishingly small minority, and we watch them closely. Go in peace, Anla'Shok Na." answered Isilinn, bowing to her in farewell.

 

Susan wearily ascended the stairs. It was now well after midnight and she was uncertain she would be able to sleep. There was so much she still had to learn in order to fulfill her duty to command the Rangers. Learning the language was going to be the easy part! She paused outside the door to Delenn's room. There was no light showing under the door, and all was quiet, so she went on to her room. They had adjoining rooms with a connecting door, so she could keep an ear out for any problems. She removed the minimum amount of clothing to be comfortable, and fell into bed.

 

*JOHN!*

 

Susan sat bolt upright in bed. Had she heard Delenn cry out? Or was it the echo of her own nightmare? She listened carefully, and heard movement in the adjoining room, then a crash as if a table had been overturned. She moved to the door, and knocked gently, "Delenn? Are you alright?" she called quietly.

 

Delenn opened the adjoining door. Her hair lay loose on her shoulders and her robe was clasped tightly around her. Her hands were white and shaking. "I cannot sleep, Susan. I had the falling dream again, the one at Z'ha'dum. Then I crashed into a chair. I am sorry; did I wake you?"

 

“Yes,” Susan replied, adding quickly, “but it doesn't matter. I was having some nightmares of my own. I'm glad to be awake. Why don't you come over; we'll have a nightcap. I'll make you some tea.”

 

Delenn moved into the room and settled onto the couch. She spoke rapidly, “I can't get what those men said out of my head. No loss. No loss? It is a loss to me, and to our son, to you, and to many others. How could they say that? They never even met him. I don't know if I can bear his memory retreating into history. If they can say this now, what will they say in 10 years, in 20?” Pausing to take a breath, she added, a tinge of curiosity in her tone, “What is a nightcap by the way?"

 

Susan laughed, "It generally involves alcohol, but it can be tea or milk. Something to help you sleep when the wolves are at the door."

 

"What wolves? What do you mean?" asked Delenn.

 

Susan brought over tea for Delenn, and opened a bottle standing on the table and poured herself a large shot of vodka. "Did I ever tell you about the hour of the wolf, Delenn? It's that time of the night, generally about 3 am, when all the things that you've buried at the back of your mind during the day come out to haunt you. Regrets, lost moments, painful memories…you can't sleep for thinking about them. My father always said you should take a large shot of vodka before bed to keep away the wolf, and then three small sips of vodka, in case she had cubs while she was waiting at the door. Funny, the last time I told this story was to Lyta, when we were deciding to go after John at Z'ha'dum…"

 

“I rather think we have a whole pack of wolves tonight.” Extending her cup towards Susan, she said, “I would like to try this vodka, Susan."

 

"Are you nuts? Isn't alcohol poison or something to Minbari?" exclaimed Susan.

 

“Not poison exactly. It can make us very violent sometimes. We are a controlled people for a reason; our strength and passion has led us to some violent episodes in our past. That is why we have evolved so many rituals. It keeps us safe from ourselves, and has made ours a relatively peaceful society. Still, I am at least half human now; who knows if it would have any effect, or the same effect.” Delenn tilted her head, examining the label on the bottle. “I never thought to try. But it is part of your ritual, and I would like to participate fully.”

 

By now Susan had downed two more shots, and the idea of testing Delenn's theory seemed like a pretty good idea. "All right, but only a little. Just to try," and she poured a small amount into Delenn's empty tea cup.

 

Delenn drank the whole thing down, as she had observed Susan doing. “This tastes terrible," she spluttered. "Do you actually like this drink? It reminds me of all the times John had me try coffee!"

 

They waited companionably to see if Delenn would have any adverse reaction. She didn't, so they tried another small shot. By now Susan was very relaxed, and had rummaged up some snacks. They started telling each other stories; mostly from their time on Babylon 5. Delenn laughed till she cried at Susan's description of Vir's attempts to get mating advice. They discussed Londo's many wives, and G'Kar's many conquests. Susan turned beet red as Delenn solemnly listed all the times she and John had been interrupted in interesting moments by the words "Captain, Ivanova here."

 

They had paused for a moment, when Delenn suddenly asked urgently "What time is it? Is it sunrise yet?"

 

Susan pulled back the curtain, and showed Delenn the dark morning. "Soon, I think. Why is it so important to you? Is it a Minbari mourning ritual? I thought we had passed the time for those?" she asked curiously.

 

"I do not know if I should tell you," Delenn began hesitantly, "Will you promise to tell no one if I do? I do not want to be thought crazed with grief…"

 

"I promise, Delenn. I do not break promises, or reveal secrets." replied Susan.

 

"All right," again she hesitated. "I see John, Susan. Every morning, at sunrise. Just for a moment. Sometimes a word, or a fleeting touch on my hand. Sometimes I catch a glimpse out of the corner of my eye. I feel he is near to me. The day he told me his time was running short; the day he asked me to send the letters to bring you all to Minbar to say good-bye--we watched the sunrise. We never had before, but I swore I would watch it every day after that. It would be a private ritual. A private time to remember, what we had, and what was lost. I know it sounds insane…but I treasure the illusion if such it is."

 

Susan didn't know what to think. She wasn't sure Delenn wasn't going insane with grief. And what would she do if she did? Watch, and wait; she thought. That's what the Ranger had said. It was probably the best, and only, recourse in this delicate situation. Susan replied aloud "I believe you feel his presence, and if it helps you to deal with his loss, then so be it. But you'd better get outside, it's almost sunrise."

 

Their rooms had no balconies, but there was a private stair down to the beach from Delenn's room. She ran into her room, down the stairs and across the beach to the water's edge, just as the sun began to touch the horizon. Susan stayed close, aiming for privacy but allowing for protection. She wasn't sure how steady Delenn was after their 'ritual'.

 

Delenn walked into the water, seemingly not feeling the cold waves on her feet and legs. The hem of her robes floated about her in the softly-glowing salt water, and she slowly extended one hand to the horizon. As the sun rose above the horizon, she was outlined in light, and she seemed to glow from some inner fire as well.

 

Tears in her eyes, Susan watched Delenn commune with her lost love, if that's what she was doing. Suddenly, she felt a slap on her back and *Susan!* echoed in her head.

 

"John?" Susan whispered, "Was that you?" She shook her head. It was impossible.

 

The sun was up now, and Delenn returned, shivering, to the hotel steps. "Let's go inside. I am freezing. And I have a slight headache, and my stomach feels…funny. Is this an after effect of the alcohol? I heard John today, just a few words. He said something like 'enjoy the hung over'. Do you have any idea what that could mean?"

 

Susan just stared as Delenn ascended the stairs. Letting out a low whistle, she slowly followed her friend. Her life was certainly going to be...interesting from now on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very old story, the third one I ever wrote, and came from a dream image of Delenn standing in waves awaiting the sunrise. It was the start of the Excellent Adventure series, which was originally planned to be a light-hearted examination of traditional female tropes but became something more serious as time went on.


End file.
